Having lived in a total of 6 properties in my life, something that has popped into my mind is the case of is it a house or a home that I am living in?

Living in rentals, there is always a doubt at the back of your mind as to when the landlord will want the property back. In the first rental I lived in, I had to get environmental health involved due to how poor the conditions were. In my second rental, they were slow with repairs and there was a falling out which led me to being moved. In my third rental, they did no repairs and then I ended up moving cities. In my current rental, it’s far from perfect. I still have belongings in boxes from when I left London 4 years ago as there’s no way of knowing how long I’ll be in my current rental; one year? Two years? Maybe more? 

Growing up, my family owned the property we lived in. I would, however, say I never felt like I was ‘at home’. Due to difficult/strained relationships within my family, I would tend to be out most of the day, every day. Once in an argument it was brought up how I was treating the house like I was a lodger and, to an extent, that is accurate. I would go home, sleep, then leave the house as soon as I’m out of bed. When it came to decorating my own room or having privacy, it was always the case that it was ‘my parents house’. When I wanted a budget of, say, £300, to redesign my room, I got shut down. Way more than that was then spent on new cupboards that didn’t suite my needs and then I was criticised for not using said cupboards. I was unable to put nails in the wall to hang pictures up. Whilst I might have been able to change certain aspects of my room that I wanted to have changed, I never felt the point in asking. 

Common sayings parents say are ‘my house, my rules’ and ‘if you don’t like it, move out’. Whilst there can be good intentions by these, for example to teach discipline or stop the child doing something they shouldn’t be doing at their age, they are often said in situations where there is a lack of healthy boundaries and a lack of mutual respect. For many who’ve had these said to them growing up, it is then wondered why, when they’re adults, they’ve distanced themselves from their parent(s). This, combined with difficult or strained relationships within the family can lead people, especially young people, to just feel like where they live is simply where they sleep as opposed to where their home is. 

Whilst living in rentals is much more liberating, there is still that burden of feeling like it’s just a house instead of a home and that, at some point, I’ll just be moving again. Can I now decorate the house as I please? Certainly. However the doubt at the back of my mind of how long am I going to be in said property makes me both question the point and makes me struggle with the motivation to do so. 

Having wanted to move out from a young age, the feeling of ‘home’ hasn’t existed in me for a very long time. For me, now, where I live is simply a place where all my belongings are. If I didn’t need an item within my belongings, I would happily stay away for months or years, only returning to pick up said item. Whilst I can make the place more homely by putting up posters, unpacking my things, personalising different rooms and buying new furniture, this all comes with time (and a cost).

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